One million tiny plays about France, #1

(Idea lovingly ripped off from a column in The Guardian)

Two Parisian boys, just returned from August vacation in Manhattan, practice their English, discuss their futures.

Jean-Pierre: Thibault, how are you going?

Thibault: Ugh, I go well, but the research for the work, she makes me shit. 

J.P.: You don't have the chance, you should prepare to the E.N.A. like me. This is the work of the real aristocrats.

Thibault: I find what you do completely undickable. I don't dick any of it. 

J.P.: But why you don't want to become a functionary? Do you want to work more than 35 hours a week?

Thibault: Of course not, but I don't want to work with those shitters. The idea of this makes me shit more than the research for work. Maybe I will to move to London?

J.P.: 'a'a'a'a'a'. And eat their food?

Thibault: This is true. And make love to their women? 

J.P.: There is perhaps something there. They have never had a real lover with 'Ze French Touch'. 

Thibault: I will make my little English take her foot. 

J.P.: Ah yes, she will climb the curtains. 

Thibault: It's decided. I move to London. 

Comment perdre une partie de Monopoly

*How to lose a game of Monopoly

[Disclaimer: this is a posting particularly limited in scope, but I had to post, for the following three reasons:]

Dear CZ,

Je m'excuse d'avance, but seeing as you 'don't remember' the night of that infamous game of Monopoly, I thought I would help you out. Basically, this post is:

1) Vengeance. Back in Spring 2006, I was lead to believe, in particularly convincing French legalese, that I was going to be deported from the country for 'inciting racial hatred against the French' with the contents of this very blog. The author was none other than you, my dear.

2) A Public Service. You think your middle name is "N'a jamais perdu une partie de Monopoly"; within a half hour of losing this very game, you were denying your loss. I know that, being French, you're very adept at rewriting history, but not on my watch.

3)An interesting Study on the results of a French economic law education on Monopoly strategy. I could write a thesis on this, I think. France's finest academic institutions produce some scary results:

First, not landing on any real estate yourself, start to build houses on other people's property, then refuse to pay taxes/improvement fines.

Then, feeling someone getting ahead, you ally with a third player. When this new ally starts to reap those advantages, ally with another player. (5 minutes after allying with me, I haven't forgotten that you called to the other players "LET'S MAKE THE AMERICAN BLEED!")

When your former alliances start losing, pool your resources and take over the lead.

And then....against the odds...die untergang:

Step 1. Complete denial:



Translation:
You know why I've won yet again? (won? we ask)
Because:
1) I PERSEVERED
2) I [sic]
3) I REFLECTED
4) I PERSEVERED

Step 2: Childlike violence

(After being heckled by us on the couch, CZ, you so nobly admit 'It's over because of YOU"..yes, yes, dear we are to blame for your downfall)




Step 3: Actual violence: