There's loathing-annoyance (sliced lemon or lime in any drink), and there's loathing-disdain (people who think Sex And The City is THE BEST SHOW EVER, oh-my-god-what's WRONG with you if you don't?!) and loathing-snobbery (very similar to loathing-disdain.)
Skiing is a category all of its own. I loathe skiing. But only because I can't ski. I've spent extensive amounts of time in the Alps (in the summer), and I consider myself quite sporty- I think I'd be an excellent skier, actually.
But I grew up in Florida. South Florida. I Just. Don't. Ski. Yet. And I grew tired of hearing:
"Awwww...(with a look best reserved for UNICEF orphans)...BUT SKIING IS:"
a) relaxing
b) energizing
c) beautiful
d) SO MUCH FUN
So, I went on the offense and started loathing all things ski-related. (At least until I get a chance to ski, of course).
Until recently, I had nothing in my arsenal. Then, a coworker started looking around for skiwear, and stumbled across the following page:
http://www.jtl-skiwear.co.uk/menswear.html
NOTE: THIS WEBSITE IS NOT INTENDED IRONICALLY. THEY ARE ACTUALLY HOPING TO SELL SKIWEAR:
I don't even know where to begin. Were these photos shot in someone's garage? Or against a glamour shots background in a strip mall in Minnesota somehwere? Potential actual cost of photo shoot: $10---> 5 bucks worth of Tempura paint, and 'model' acquired for $5 from a Swiss prison. And yes, I understand they were going for an action shot, but you're not fooling anyone there, buddy. You look about as active as an MRI patient.Did you think I was kidding when I said 'Swiss Prison'...because I wasn't. I've been in a Swiss Prison, actually. I can vouch.* Case in point, our model #2:
"YOU VIL BUY MY SKI-VEAH, JA?!" The last thing you see before being crushed into submission is a light lavender blur of fleece. (Also, the blinding light shining in her eyes makes me suspect this, uh, photo series was actually shot in an Arizona strip mall. Yes. And then there's Model #3....
Just...wow. What exactly did they say to him to get him from the first photo to this?! "COME ON DARLING, YOUR CROTCH IS GOLD! HOW DO YOU THINK BOB FOSSE SKIED!? WORK! WORK!!"
Although to be fair, he seems to really, really like those pants. Heck, for 55 pounds, I'd pay to be that happy just to wear trousers.
*..I was in a Swiss prison to VISIT. As part of my job. No, really.
3 comments:
I suspect that 1 and 3 are the same man...why pay for two models when one douchebag will do?
~K!
Hilarious. I do love your various levels of loathing - and although they are based upon negativity, you make them sound quite elegant. I think this means that you are now a true Londoner. Cheerio!
xx,
a
I should point out that some patients in the MRI are very active, though we would prefer that they aren't. Or did you mean Mentally Retarded Individual? Some of them are actually quite active, often in ways which people wish they weren't.
Also Sex in the City sucks.
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