I would like to start by thanking you for your contribution to the T-Shirt world. Your T-Shirts are sublime! They are worth clawing one's way through a Galeries Lafayettes sale. I once imported borderline illegal amounts for my friends in college.
But, see, we need to have a talk about your latest ad campaign:
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Tell me, what EXACTLY are you going for here? OK, to be clear: it says 'Jazzmine 320 months" and "Paule 24 months"..oh yes may the scalloped edge T shirt reign forever!
...But to express the joy and longevity of your T shirts you use...possibly the two least desirable aspects of Parisian life: Cold women with bad haircuts and bratty children. Seriously?
Don't get me wrong, France, specifically Paris, has some damn adorable children. And they should; I can't think of any other country that has TWO competing children's fashion magazines. It's almost insulting to every legitimate American print media company that is on the verge of collapse. But in France? People are CLAMORING for fashion advice for their toddler. Spring's hottest accessory, your child!
Anyways, so most children run around with little red patent Mary Janes and Dior coats and are generally cute as a button. How did you get a 5 year old child to look so SURLY? I can just imagine the photo shoot:
"YES DARLING! YOU 'AVE JUST 'AD YOUR LOLLIPOP STOLEN! WORK IT! YOU are VVVVerrry CRANKY AND TIRED! YOU MISSED YOUR NAP! YES! YES!"
It makes me sad, guys. I have to pass this bilboard EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. I repeat: it makes me sad on my way to work on a daily basis. Can we get a look at the SIZE of it?
I feel a strange compulsion to discuss Sciences Po grades while smoking a cigarette with the girl on the left. And I just want to give that kid a hug. Both are sort of depressing. The only company that succeeds in depressing people into buying their clothes is Calvin Klein. That's merely because being hot and cranky makes a certain amount of sense; you're not being fed! You're being paid to look pouty and emaciated.
Sad emaciated models= high fashion.
Sad emaciated children= Calling children's services.
Anyways, but you know what makes me saddest of all? I just don't get it. I don't think I'll ever get it.
I'm worried I'll never look at this poster and think "Mais, bien sûr! Elles font la gueule, je m'achèterai un T shirt!"
I'm trying here, Petit Bateau. I am REALLY trying to integrate into France. WHY do you have to make this so hard for me? I want answers. Please.
And give your goddamn model a hair cut.
Très Cordialement,
FCH
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