The Only Living Boy in New Delhi:
(ILR in red)
"Aap ka naam kya hai?"
My name is Bobby Sir,.
Bobby? Is that your real name?
No Sir.My real name is Bhadrinwale.
Ah I thought so.
My friends call me Bobby and you sir your face is very kind.
Well thank you Bobby, you seem very nice too.
You have big big eyes like my little boy, i am thinking you are lucky to have these eyes. You have kind eyes, you be Bobbys friend.
Well I hope so. (Why not? Let's be friends then Bobby)
With these eyes, With those biceps (He suddenly pivoted on his seat and grabbed hold of my arms, while the rickshaw drifted into another traffic lane) You have soooo many girlfriends, yes?
Well not really, Bobby. please watch the road (A truck furiously honked, and a goat barely avoided a grisly death)
What you no married? You have girlfriend though? (He drew up close, his beard lit up by a manic grin. His whisky-laden breath hit me like a sledgehammer.)
You have how many girlfriends?One, Two, Three? You have sexy moments with them yes? Verrrryyy nice....
Well Bobby, I dont really have a girlfriend no. There is a girl I love and I think she loves me but its complicated.
Where she from sir? She nice indian girl from Kashmir?
No she's not a nice Indian girl from kashmir. She's a nice girl from Lebanon.
Loban? Is where sir? USA?
No Lebanon. Its a country, in the Middle East, or West Asia as you call it here in India.
Pfff. I never heard this place. Small country, na?
Yes, a small country, that's right.
She pretty?
I think so yes. I think she's very pretty.
She make good babies for you. Babies look nice and strong after?
Well its a bit too soon to think of babies, Bobby.What about you? Do you have any children?
Oh yes sir I have three. Two girls, one baby boy. (A telephone suddenly materialised from his pocket. The screen displayed a short video loop of a terribly cute toddler throwing a ball around in a little courtyard)
Oh Bobby, your son is very handsome. Those eyes are much bigger than mine. He's a beautiful little boy.
Thank you sir. I am very proud right now. ( Moved, he slid his phone into his pocket with trembling fingers.
Suddenly he pointed to an impressive-looking gurudwara).
You been in sikh temple sir?
Yes I have been many times to the Gurudwara Sis Ganj, in Old Delhi. Do you think I should visit that one over there one day?
Oh Yes sir. We go now, straight away. The rickshaw screeched into a U-turn and shot across the street.
No,no, Bobby not now, another time, I need to get back home and so do you, to your wife and beautiful children.
ahhh yes you is right sir...sorry..
No, it's ok, Bobby. Just get me back home.
It is just sometimes sir i see sikh gurudwara and my heart it jumps, I am so happy to be Sikh.
Yes i can understand, it is a fine belief. I have great respect for your religion, particularly the way Sikhs give out free food and water to people of any caste or religion.
Ah sir you are making me very happy right now by saying these things.What is your religion sir?
I am Christian but open minded and respect all beliefs.
I think at heart you are sikh sir. In another life you are sikh, i remember this, you forget I think.
Oh well..no i'm Christian but who knows yes maybe i was a sikh in another life.
No sir, you sikh.
OK, Bobby.
[A five minute interlude].
Hang on Bobby havent we been around this roundabout already about twenty minutes ago?
Oh yes sir you are right. I am sorry, signs are in hindi not punjabi is difficult for me.
Oh come on Bobby, focus! I want to get home.
Ok sir. Sorry sir.
[A slightly icy pause].
You still Bobby's friend?
Sigh. Yes, Bobby I am your friend.
Bobby smiled in relief. I could see his eyes staring at me through the grimy windmirror. After a few minutes I grew uncomfortable.
What, Bobby?
Your arms. You very strong.
[Embarrassed cough]. Er no not really.
I used to be strongest man in my village. Than I crash into tree with rickshaw and cut my arm. Look.
He extended his arm, it was crisscrossed by scar tissue.
Oh I'm sorry, Bobby.
I beat all other sikhs in arm wrestle. Even my cousin and he is soldier.
Wow.
You arm wrestle me now sir?
Not now, you are driving.
Please.
No.
We arm wrestle when you arrive yes?
OK, then. Just get me there, for god's sake.
"For God's Sake"? I am thinking this is very christian. Maybe you not sikh.
Maybe not after all.
We finally arrived at the base. On seeing the Sikh sentry at the gate, Bobby let out a wild shriek of joy and sped towards him. I winced, closed my eyes, and silently hoped the sentries wouldn't open fire. I opened my eyes to see the soldier standing near me with a broad smile,
" this man, he comes from my village in Punjab! He say you wont arm wrestle with him. Why not?"
Errr no ok i'll arm wrestle. I won the first round. Bobby looked utterly downcast. I suggested another round, gave a cursory effort, and then collapsed in defeat, panting pathetically.
Ah sir! You see I still strong! I still so strong! Goodbye Sir!
And with a final spluttering of black smoke, his rickshaw careered off towards the darkening horizon.
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