Mawwage.

The linguistic difference in Paris is both a pro and a con.
The "con" part is obvious. Even 3 years later, getting a verb tense wrong can make you feel like...
un con.

But, on the other hand, being an anglophone here is simply glorious.
English is the worst kept secret in Paris. But you're still in an exclusive club. Every time you pick up a menu, you can proofread the spelling mistakes. You can humble the cockiest banker by pronouncing the "H" in "'edge Fund."

And, there's a whole repertoire of French terms derived from English words, that are endlessly amusing.

For example, the classes at my gym :

"Body Combat"
Is actually : Cardioboxing class
Sounds like : A therapy group for self-harmers

"Body Pump"
Is actually : Weight and aerobics training
Sounds like : A colostomy bag.


There was a particularly awesome moment the other day.

At a recent conference in the presence of multiple American ambassadors, I sat behind two Secret Service agents, and listened to a vice president from a major French energy company give a speech in English on "Green Growss". Not just any English, but an accent that flew past 'th's, ignored every 'h' like a friend from an unpleasant past, and tacked on this weird intonation like Charlie Brown's teacher.  (wah woh wonn wohh...)

Actually, imagine the accent from the priest in the Princess Bride, combined with French, and in the body of a petite 35 year old woman.



It was just so extraordinary in its badness. Where could she have concocted such a weird accent ? Was she perhaps part Portuguese, part Lao, part French ?

As I was contemplating this, trying to disguise my laughter with coughs, I looked at the 250 lb, 6'4" security detail in front of me.  The two of them were caught in such a vicious giggle loop they were actually turning red.
These men, paid by the American government to be calm and look for security threats, were repressed-giggling like 12 year-old girls.
That, my dear highly-overpaid important French executive, is when you know you just have to give it up.

You'll never be in the club.