I'll meet you on the corner of giraffe and panda.

I appreciate you, Helsinki, I really do.


I appreciate doing business here ! And not feeling self-conscious in a professional setting about being blonde. Because everyone else is.
I appreciate your strawberries!

And the way you, much like your scandinavian neighbors get incredibly patriotic about them.
When I asked this gentleman what was the difference between the mound of more expensive Finnish strawberries on the right (marked FINLAND) and the cheaper ones on the left, he looked at me with shock and said, "NOT FROM FINLAND !  FROM SWEDEN ! Finnish strawberries sweetest in the world!")
Sweden and Finland are on a contiguous land mass. How could they be that different ? Shrug. They are goddamn amazing, though. Thanks, dude: 



But there's definitely something weird about this place.
For example.
Exhibit A)
Looks like? Death metal gift shop.

Is...traditional Helsinki tea room. Damn, Finland. Even traditionally quaint things look like death metal.

Exhibit B)
Your language. It is so bad, so terribly terribly bad, that you have to put little animals above your street signs in the center of town. Like. In a M°°°°°°F°°°ing Disney parking lot :
 

Exhibit C:
This guy. Well, not this guy, because he epitomizes awesome. But, the naked blond child riding a lion on his..music pushy cart thing.(oh hell, what are those called?!)

Exhibit D)
Then, there I was, minding my own business, walking along licking strawberry juice off my fingers when I come across a small design store. And then my eyes were scalded by a BLOND BABYDOLL with a MUSTACHE making advances on a small, unsuspecting Swedish babydoll. That costs 95 EUROS. But it gets worse.

Exhibit E)
I go into said small design store. I am greeted by a distrusting hipster type. I ask to see their catalog. Meine dammen und herren, we have here:
- A knitted fake beard (30 Euros)
- An eyemask that looks like a butterfly is trying to suck your eyes out (20 Euros)
- Matching adult penguin suits - (okay, fine, I kind of want one)
.. And the best for last...

(Bottom left) Yes, you can pay 40 Euros for a large, plush, white and black stuffed animal that will velcro to your neck...also, kind of like in Alien(s).
What Finnish person wouldn't want that?

The answer is : no Finnish person wouldn't want that. And that is the problem. You weird, weird people.