You like zee Frensh keess?

I've gotten a number of questions about French Men.
I'd like to take this time to shoot down all the positive stereotypes out there:



(see picture taken from the Student association page of my school: Straight? Gay? French?)

"OOh, they have such cute accents."
NO. British guys have cute accents. Irish guys have sexy accents.
French guys simply CANNOT SPEAK ENGLISH.
There is a big difference here. I had a friend who was once told, "Your hairs are like fires."
She was slightly scared.
And the "th" sound? Forget it. zz, zzz, zz. Imagine the French knight in Monty Python and The Holy Grail, but maybe worse: "Of course I am Freenssh, why do you zzink i have zzis reedeeculous accENT?"

"They're sooo romantic, aren't they?"
If you're idea of romance is "I'll just assume that you're really easy," then yeah, right on target. Really romantic. I feel it's safe to say only in Paris would I get BITTEN ON THE ASS in a casual social situation. At a bar recently, I was a bit drunk, dancing in the middle of the floor, and some guy actually reaches around and tries to take a chunk out of my left buttock. It was as romantic as a prison shower scene.

"French straight men are distinguishable from French gay men"
If my gaydar serves me right, approximately....95% of the male population is gay.

Their hair waves down their back like Fabio. Their sweaters are very often pink. in the summer, they're tied around their necks. Granted, I dig the tighter jeans and the fact that they coordinate very nicely, but I've had enough. I want someone to open my beer bottle with his teeth. To wear a T-Shirt, preferably with a stain on it. What's that? You can burp the alphabet in French? Tres sexy.

"They're so charming"
Wrong again. The courting habit of French men is what many American judges would call, "stalking." If you give your number, it's over. Expect text messages in broken English grammar at least 3 times a day, such as, "Allo! Is the French. We take a drink now?"

A toute!
Frenssheeska