"Piss Off, Crackheads!"

The following conversation took place this Sunday:

(Young british man and American girl walk down the stairs of an apartment building)

American Girl: "Oh look! Is that a black lightbulb?"

(picks up said object)

British Guy: "Ummmm..."

AG: "Ooh, or is it a small doorknob?"

BG: "Um, sweetie, that's a crackpipe."

AG: (freezing) "I'm...going...to go upstairs and wash my hands."

Ah yes, the apartment building I know and love has a resident crackhead. (The title of this post is literally a sign posted in the common area of the building). There are literally too many ways that I find this humorous...I'll leave the comments to you.

On a completely unrelated note,

Desperate Housewives is a really crappy show. I would use the word "horrible," but that might suggest it might be corrupt or immoral, which would then make it interesting. It involves a few themes which are annoying at best, obnoxious at most:

1. The 4 stereotypes of women:
Slutty, OCD, Goofy, Mothery
These are the EXACT archetypes used in Sex and the City (Samantha, Miranda, Carrie, Charlotte..obvi) and, frankly, I'm sick of them. Not to mention that both Sex and the City and DH are written by MEN. Unsurprisingly, the characters are rigid puppets rather than actual characters.

2. Suburbia
It creeps me out.

3. The "It's not really funny but we call it a comedy anyways" ddea
Yeah, much like Sex and the City, one rarely laughs watching Desperate Housewives. Why are they called comedies? Do the expect a reaction like:

"Oh haha, that Eva Longoria, she certainly likes money! and sleeping with men!" "Oh haha, look at Teri Hatcher do something silly like fall into a bush naked! Wow, we've never seen THAT before!"



Not a theme, but it gets a number anyways:

4. Hypocrisy:
I have watched hours upon hours of this show on www.tv-links.co.uk. And it makes me angry. And yet, I still watch. We always still watch.

Travel Snobbishly Awesome

create your own visited countries map

Damn you, grey areas! Still, these are the countries I've visited. BAM!

The legacy of Aqua?

I think the New York Times' new blog, The Lede, is pretty nifty. Although the compiler does a pretty half-assed job, it's essentially meant to give you an interesting, concise round up of the news. On a news website. Okay, so maybe it's sort of lame. Or maybe I am.

In honor of the Lede, I'll introduce...A Danish News Round-Up!
For those doubting the influence of Danish newspapers, talk to Danish embassy employees in the Middle East and see what they have to say. (Who said noone ever read the cartoon section?)

This week:

"Danes' sex lives are full of taboos" from Politiken, Denmark's largest newspaper.





A link to the original article here, so you can confirm that THIS IS THE PICTURE THEY USED.

This is why I love Denmark. Although they may be a northern European country, they have none of that British reservedness when it comes to sex. Or showing dolls doing it. This said, it's sort of unsettling--this was the head article on Politiken's website today. I *swear* something else more important happened today. Something that didn't need to show to DOLLS BONKING AND HIGH FIVING?

Unless you had like, a naked Nancy Pelosi doll getting it on with...oh, actually, no. We don't want that visual image, so I'll stop.

GOODNIGHT!

Santorum Nomore-um

Dear Rick Santorum's daughter,











Why do you cry?
Is it because your dad got pummelled in his senatorial race? Or you just realized what a hypocritical far-right fascist schmuck your father really is? Who suggested Hurricane Katrina victims should be punished for having stayed? And that homosexuality was 'deviant sexual behavior' and likened it to bestiality, polygamy, and pedophilia? Oh, and furthermore, blamed the behavior of pedophilic priests on Boston's 'liberal culture'?

No, my guess is that because you seem to be above the age of 4, you could probably guess your father is a horrible person. You must be crying because you see the death of your cushy interning job, thus ruining your chances, in a few years, of being one of the few women who can wear pink heels in the capitol without being escorted out of the building. (Or escorting senators out of the building...)

Well, turn that frown upside down, darling. Daddy's out, and you're free. Free to go Democrat. Where the interns are a little more frumpy and just a little better educated.

..But I should stop. THIS IS A DAY FOR CELEBRATION! Not for meannness.
Not only is Rick Santorum gone, America's looking blue. And I just had to post for joy.

hooray!

Smack, Chirac!

I got bored. The blog changed. Thoughts?

In any case, let's get to it:

1. Go see Borat:Cultural Learnings of America Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazhakstan. If you don't find it funny, there is probably something wrong with you and we can't be friends.

2. And because I don't think I could go a few weeks without making fun of France...
I posted last spring about France's anti-CPE riots, when the frogs rose up en masse to stop a law to essentially make the job market more flexible. I made fun of them then, and I stand by it now. HOWEVER, I will give them a bit of credit in that the way the CPE measure went through was well messed up. Dominique de Villepin (Prime Minister) sort of just made it law. It didn't go through any legislative bodies. Checks and balances? What? De Villepin used an article of the French constitution (an emergency clause, if you will) to essentially force his measure through.

And, lo and behold, in my Comparative Constitutional law readings, I found even more ammo as to why France's constitution (the 5th one they've made, might I add) is completely bent-Something, I have to add, that a lot of French people agree with. And so I give to you, France-The Arab Gulf State:

"France and Kuwait differ from the US in a few aspects, such as allowing the President/Amir a part in the amendment of the Constitution, and allowing him much wider powers to dissolve the elected body for limited periods. It is also notable that both France and Kuwait, in granting freedoms, are careful to insert such phrases as, "in accordance with the law and/or public policy and/or morals," "answering for any abuse of such freedom"--thus preserving to the Government from time to time discretion to legislate on acceptable levels of freedom." -Commercial Law in the Arab Middle East.


Smack! No more moral high horse, my gaullois friends.
All for now,
F

Flatmate Profile: John

I've been lucky in terms of the people I've shared living space with. Everything except The Unfortunate Post-It Incident my freshman year has been fairly normal.

Then I moved to London. Enter John, my current flatmate.

A Glaswegian born and breed, he's lost every trace of his Scottish accent, except when drunk, when it turns into a lispy, slurry, incomprehensible ramble. This is most of the time.

Unemployed since I've moved here, he receives free housing thanks to the British government. This makes my rent lovely and cheap, and British Projects are nice enough, really.

The flat is an exercise in What is camp? : A full length poster of Marilyn Monroe decorates the closet door and Marilyn Monroe collages line the walls of the toilet. Elsewhere, large, fake gold statues of grecian women clutter every table in the house. Other finishing touches include an enormous collection of model cars and multiple pictures of every (female) monarch the UK has ever had.

The color scheme is "muppet." Purple is not only the accessory color of the season for fashion, but for our living room. (Who knew?) A big sparkly purple festoon covers a mirror, and a large purple plastic DOME sort of sits on a table by the TV.
The color of my room is somewhere between mint green and vomit, and John's room is brick red. There's a bit too much red paint and he's threatening to paint the toilet room and the foyer walls with the excess.

John's activities including watching "Good Morning Britain" show in its entirety, ( 7-12 am, i believe...), smoking a lot of hand-rolled cigarettes, blasting Tina Turner, Cher, or The Ronettes at full volume, and staring out the kitchen window while drinking Sanka.

Likes include "girlie mags" ("Chat" and "Love it!"), musicals, and penises. No, I should be more clear. And I quote, "The thing about penises is, I like big ones." Thus, his main activity is bringing home random men about every night, or every other night. There must be no more new gay men left in North London. Seriously. I've done the math.

Never a dull moment here in N1, and despite all the ways we differ, we get on quite well, and he really is a lovely man. This blog can only begin to capture his eccentricities, and one day when I sell my screenplay to Wes Anderson, John will surely make an appearance.

Goodnight from London.

London's other white meat.

Something this wrong can't be anything but hilarious.
from BBC News:
"Pelican swallows pigeon in park"